Tuesday, May 29, 2007

use your freaking call button

Well, I've been pretty busy over the last few days. You can read on my myspace about the details, but I've been in and out of the hospital seeing my dad. Also, I've been staying overnight to make sure that the nurses are doing their job and that his pain does not get too out of control. And I just have to vent for a moment. The lady staying in the room next to my dad's is an older woman who has apparently been there for over a month. And whenever she needs something, instead of using the nurse-call button that is inches from her hand, she yells out. Over and over and over. I've walked by the nurse's station and heard them on the speaker talking to her in her room, telling her that she needs to stop yelling and that she's disturbing other patients. For some reason, this little incident gives me a mix of emotions. Its funny, sad, annoying, disturbing all at the same time. One thing that I really hate about the hospital is that the patients doors always seem to be open, exposing old people in hostpital beds in very revealing gowns. And they don't seem to care or notice when their gowns are, well, open. So several times I've walked by and seen way too much of the old man two doors down from dad.

As you can see I'm trying to keep my sense of humor...

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

while she was sleeping.





Well, even though it seems I'm the only one reading this funny little thing I'm going to keep at it.. Ava's napping at the moment. This is when the house gets really quiet and the laundry gets done (sometimes, I've had to re-wash one load that's been in the washing machine for a few days. Yuck). It's also when I'm free to relax for a few minutes. Not that it takes a whole lot of effort to take care of a three month old. But lately she's been fussy. I think she's teething way early. The signs are pretty clear- excess drool, chewing on her hands ferociously, slight fever, and did I mention amazing amounts of drool? My step-dad is a dentist and he felt around on her bottom gums and confirmed that she could have one or two little teeth popping through at any time. I just wish she could hold on to things better because I have one of those orange gummy rings with the liquid inside- everybody's favorite baby toy, I still love to squeeze it!

Anyway, when she's awake the house is filled with sounds of her talking and screeching and me talking to her in a really cheerful tone of voice. That part can be pretty exhausting. Matt and I came to an agreement last night that he would put her down at night Sunday through Thursday and I would get up with her in the morning so he could sleep in. Then Friday and Saturday night I would put her down and he would get up with her in the morning. I think it's really fair because he works all week, so he deserves the extra rest in the mornings. Plus I like getting up and drinking coffee on the front porch with Ava...

My dad is having some pretty serious tests done tomorrow. His cancer has been back for a while, so they are doing a bone scan, CT scan, and some chest x-rays. He'll be in the hospital all day starting at 6:30 in the morning. I'm not sure what they are going to find. I feel like my optimism is wearing thin and that reality is sinking in. It's tough, but I don't let myself feel a lot for some reason. I guess I'm used to being a rock for people and I don't allow myself to be weak. When Matt's mom died I really had to focus on him, so I haven't focused on me for a while.


There's the baby...















Monday, May 21, 2007

Anybody out there?

Well, I've been writing on this blog for a little bit now and I'm starting to feel like it's sort of a waste of time. I know that blogs are supposed to be a sort of online journal, but I have to say I prefer curling up in a comfy chair and writing in a real one. Anyway, I guess whatever form of outlet I can get is good enough.
Today was pretty uneventful.
I got up around eight this morning and had some coffee on the front porch. This was probably the best part of my day- my few moments before Ava and Matt wake up. This is when I try to collect my thoughts and brainstorm about the future. But this morning all I could do was stare at some squirrels...
It's not that I am unappreciative(sp?) of my life, I just wish I knew where it was going to go next. We're still waiting to hear back from the fire department. Matt's second interview was almost two months ago, and now it's just a waiting game. I just really want to know one way or the other. I hope he makes it on, he would be really great at that job- there's pretty much nothing else that he wants to do.
I'm still pondering my next move. I've only got a couple of weeks before my summer class starts. Right now the only thing that I do during the day is take care of Ava, which is really nice. But it does get lonely sometimes. You can't really have meaningful conversation with a three month old. Believe me, I try. All she does is smile and squeak at me.
Anyway.. thanks for stopping by
cass

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Exciting? Creative?

So, over the course of the past year I have found myself at a crossroads. Of course, I have had some life-changing experiences (buying a home, having a baby), but one thing always seemed to remain the same. I've always wanted to be a teacher- until now. It could be that I'm just getting burned out on school; I've been going for five years and have yet to earn a degree (I place the blame entirely on the requirement for math credits no matter what degree you are seeking. I hate math, I failed three times before I finally got the one required math class passed. Ouch). And over the course of my college career I've only changed my major twice. The first time I changed from Elementary Ed to Dental Hygiene because I let myself be talked into it by a girl that was really convincing. So, I worked at a dentist's office for about nine months and decided that I didn't want to be hunched over, flossing people's teeth all day. Back to Education it was, only this time I opted for Secondary English Ed. The only problem is that you have to jump through some flaming hoops in order to get an Education degree. It just seems that it takes so much work and that I'll end up doing something that pays less most jobs.

Not that it's all about the money...

I'm not trying to come across as materialistic, but I believe that teachers are some of the hardest working and least paid professionals out there. So, lately I've been pondering the idea of graduating with a degree in English with a minor in Psychology. That brings me to the difficult part- what about a job... Well, recently a friend told me about a school in Tulsa that offers a condensed Master's degree program for counseling. It's only one night a week for two years. It's been at the forefront of my mind lately. The possibility to help people weed through some of the things that hold them back would be amazing. But, is this what I really want to do- or am I letting myself be influenced by someone else's ideas again? I just don't know.
At the moment, I've been staying home with sweet little Ava and I have to admit, it's been really nice to not work. My dream would be to stay home with my kids until they are school age and then figure out what to do with me. All I really want is to tap into that creativity that I just know is inside me. And make money doing it. I would love nothing more than to express myself, care for my children, and help other people all while experiencing the fullness of joy that is to be had. I mean, I love Bath and Body Works, but that is not a career...

So, what then?

Any insight would be greatly appreciated- there are people out there who know me well enough to give me objective "hints" and ideas...
cass

Monday, May 14, 2007

Happy Mother's Day to me!!

Well, it was officially a great mother's day. Matt and I went to church with Ava, as it was also baby dedication day. We stuck her in a very cute cotton dress with a perfect little white sweater. She's usually in easy little onsie's, so it's always really fun to get her dressed up and looking like a little doll. They did the dedications at the end of the service and Ava was the best behaved child up there! In fact, I was so distracted by this other mom trying to wrangle her child- literally, wrangle! He was kicking his feet and waving his arms and thrasing- that I missed everything that the pastor said. But it was probably really special! After church we had the whole family over to our house to grill out. Luckily Ava slept most of the time. If she had been awake she would have been passed around a ton and that always wears her out...

Oh, and there was chocolate cake. But I was good.

There's still a piece sitting on my kitchen counter waiting for me. I've done my best to hide it and avoid devouring it in one or two bites. It's grandma Kirk's chocolate cake. Let me elaborate- she makes it from a box, but uses milk instead of water and adds vanilla. It's by far the best cake I've ever had... I'm even trying to come up with some sort of task I can perform in order to deserve the cake as a reward.

Is that a bad idea?

-cass

Friday, May 11, 2007

I thought I was the only one...

So, I did it. Thursday evening I met my mom in the Weight Watchers parking lot and walked on in for my first meeting. I have to admit I was a little nervous. Especially when I saw the scales and all of the people weighing in before me. But I stepped up there and did it. And it's really great how they do it. They print a little sticker and put it on this card. It shows your current weight and how close you are to your initial goal of 10 percent.

I lost one pound.

But, hey, I think that's pretty great seeing as I just got started three days before the meeting... So, we all gathered inside the meeting room and got started. There was even another new mom in there with her little baby (very cute, her hair stood straight up like duck fluff). There were people there that had lost over 70 pounds! Pretty awesome. I mean, it wasn't anything that left me feeling like running five miles, but I know it's going to take some time. This is something that I know is going to take me a while, they always say that it takes nine months to gain all the weight, so it will take about that time to lose it all. I'm hoping for faster results, but we'll see. I've felt pretty good so far, except that we went to Hideaway Pizza tonight. Ouch. Anyone who knows me knows that pizza is my vice. Well, pizza and coffee. But tonight it was just sweet, sweet pizza. Hey, that's what allowance points are for!

That's all for now
Cass

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Let's get the ball rolling...

Ok, ok. A blog. I know. It's one of my friend's least favorite word in the English language. It's something I never thought I would have. But with a little inspiration (thank you, Hailey!) and a desparate need for some sort of creative outlet, I thought I would give it a shot. First, a little about me.

I am in love, with a 3 month old.

It's my little girl, Ava Lynn, and she has me completely wrapped around her sweet little pinkie. I swear that being a mother is one of the most rewarding things that I have done with my life this far, even though I've only been at it for several weeks. But some things happened as I was growing and incubating this little one inside me.

  • I had the sudden urge to eat various weird things, ie. McDonald's Dollar Menu McChicken sandwiches, toast with strawberry jelly (which I craved every time I walked past the toaster), anything lemon flavor, and easymac.
  • My legs, arms, feet, hands and face swelled to unrecognizable size. Let me illustrate further- I had to wear flip-flops all winter, i had to cut my wedding ring off with wire-cutters, and I have calf stretchmarks, yes! stretchmarks on my CALVES from their expansion with the insane water weight.
  • I gained about fifty pounds. Most of this was water because I lost 35 pounds in TEN DAYS after my little sunshine arrived.

I mean, to myself, I was unrecongnizable in pictures (and the mirror at times). Needles to say, I've got about 30 pounds of weight, real weight, to go. This is partially the reason for my new found blog desire.

So, I joined Weight Watchers.

I know, just the words have a "mom-tone" to them. But, I guess since I'm a mom now, this applies to me too. I just always thought of it as something that "other" people did. Now I'm an "other"...

I go to my first meeting on Thursday. And I've been told by my friend, Leslie, that I should drink massive quantities of caffeine in order to keep up with the level of enthusiasm that will knock me over at this meeting. But that would be too many points...

Well, we'll see how it goes...

Cass